The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Ageing Parents whilst Raising Teens.
the sandwich generation.
If you’re helping Mum remember her medications at 8am, navigating My Aged Care during your lunch break and negotiating phone curfews with a teen at 9pm, you’re not failing - you’re the sandwich generation.
Many Australian women are simultaneously supporting ageing parents whilst raising children or guiding young adults.
This role is generous and loving…and it can be relentless.
I’ve put together a compassionate guide to help you breathe, set boundaries and plug into Australia wide resources that make a real difference.
Name the load.
You’re carrying emotional care, invisible admin, logistics and finances - often whilst working to keep your own life afloat.
The strain can look like decision fatigue, sleep disruption, irritability or a shifting sense of identity.
If you notice these signs it doesn’t mean you’re not coping, it probably means you’re trying to do too much.
Support is both wise and necessary.
make a simple weekly rhythm (not a perfect plan).
You don’t need a colour-coded command centre, just a rhythm that protects your energy.
Pick two non-negotiable self care anchors and treat them like appointments.
A 20 minute walk one morning a week.
One early night a week.
Coffee with a friend every Tuesday.
A visit to the library on Thursday evening.
Use a shared calender.
If you have siblings or relatives close by share the load with them, Perhaps they can rotate some of the parent appointments or teen activities?
Take turns with driving to appointments and following up with paperwork, phone calls etc.
Create ‘default days’.
In other words get organised. Make a schedule and stick to it.
Thursday might become grocery top-up for Mum.
Sundays could be check in with your teen day.
Hold a 15 minute family huddle weekly.
What’s on?
What’s hard?
What help is needed?
Who’s doing what, when?
talk early about ageing safety and support.
Beginning supportive conversations early prevents crises later.
Start with values and ask questions.
What matters the most for you at home?
How do you want decisions made if you’re unwell?
Advance care planning.
Help your parent document preferences for treatment.
Appoint a substitue decision-maker.
Advance Care Planning Australia offers step-by-step guidance and forms.
Know your advocacy rights.
If your parent uses government-funded aged care, the Older Persons Advocacy Network (OPAN) provides free, independent advocates.
Call the Aged Care Advocacy Line 1800 700 600.
Compare and navigate services.
My Aged Care explains home support, respite and residential aged care, including how to apply and what to expect.
Whilst funding might be available, I’ve found it hard to access services in the country. The money might be there but the people to do the support work are not.
when dementia is part of the picture.
Dementia changes routines and relationships. You don’t have to deal with it alone though.
Dementia Australia offers practical advice and a 24/7 National Dementia Helpline.
1800 100 500
Saving this number in your phone can be an exhale for you and offer support when you most need it.
if something doesn’t feel safe or right.
Elder abuse can be subtle and complex.
It can present as physical, emotional and financial abuse or a neglect in care needs.
For information and referrals call 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 951 822), you will be redirected to your state’s service.
Concerns about an aged-care provider?
You can lodge a confidential complaint with the Aged Care Quality and Safety Commission on 1800 951 822
For anyone impacted by domestic, family or sexual violence.
1800RESPECT is available 24/7 for confidential support.
Call 1800 737 732.
Text 0458 737 732.
caring for teens and young adults - without loosing the relationship.
Teen years are a swirl of identity, boundaries and big feelings. Just what you need on top of caring for ageing parents!
Here are some anchor ideas to help you navigate this tricky path.
Connect before you correct.
Lead with curiosity.
Ask about the day your teen had before raising concerns.
Negotiate shared agreements.
Sleep, screens, study and safety.
Revisit at least once a month, teens evolve quickly.
Normalise mental health.
Let them know it’s ok to feel anxious, flat or overwhelmed.
Ask them for help and share with them what’s going on for you and how you feel. Keep it appropriate.
For reliable evidence-based guidance the Raising Children Network covers teen mental health, communication, risk behaviour and support services.
The Network helplines page lists national numbers.
If you need extra support as a parent, Parentline/Parent Help operates in each state and territory.
Parentline provides state-specific contacts.
For broader wellbeing information and self-checks (including the K10 psychological distress scale measure), Beyond Blue has dedicated resources for parenting pre-teens and teens.
when you become a grandparent carer.
Some women step into full-time care for grandchildren - sometimes suddenly. This can be a taxing time but support is available.
Grandparent, Foster and Kinship Carer Advisers at Services Australia can explain payments, concessions and local supports.
They can help you navigate Centrelink, Medicare and Child Support.
Check supports for grandparent carers (including Family Tax Benefit and related help).
The Raising Children Network provides practical resources specifically for grandparent and kinship carers, including ways to look after yourself.
money matters
Financial strain is common when you’re balancing reduced work hours, extra travel and health costs.
Carer Allowance may help if you provide daily care for someone with additional needs.
Check eligibility and how to claim via Services Australia.
For free, confidential financial counselling, the National Debt Helpline 1800 007 007 can help you plan and negotiate with lenders.
your carer backbone: practical services and respite.
There are services available for all Australians which can be accessed from anywhere.
Carer Gateway connects you to in-person, online and phone supports, providing coaching, counselling, emergency respite and skills courses. It’s designed specifically for unpaid carers.
My Aged Care is your entry point for home supports (cleaning, transport, personal care) and residential care options. Save the number: 1800 200 422.
If you or a parent need help and free advocacy call OPAN 1800 700 600.
mental health is health for you too.
Caregivers can be the last to receive care. If your mood is slipping, you’re crying in the car or your patience is paper thin, that’s your nervous system asking for support.
You are not a failure, you are burnt out and need support.
Get in touch with support services and find time to put yourself first now and then. Make an appointment with me and tend to your own needs regularly.
You don’t have to choose between being a ‘good daughter’ and a ‘good mum’. You’re already showing up in hard moments - again and again.
Let this be your permission slip to ask for help, accept help and rest without guilt.
Compassion isn’t something you only give, it’s something you get to receive.
With the right supports in place you can care for your parents and your kids without loosing yourself along the way.