Staying Grounded Through the Festive Season: A Guide for Women Navigating Family Gatherings (Part 2).
Part 2: planning ahead for triggers.
If you haven’t read Part 1 of my Festive Season blog you can go back here and check it out.
This week I talk about navigating triggers, staying grounded during family events and setting effective boundaries.
Each week I’ll introduce a new topic which, I hope, will help you to manage the ‘silly season’ with serenity, peace and more joy than you might normally feel.
Christmas often stirs up old family patterns. No matter how much time passes, certain comments or behaviour can hit a nerve as if no time has gone by at all.
Preparing for these moments in advance can help you stay calm, grounded and in control.
why triggers happen.
Family gatherings have a way of re-opening old wounds. Maybe it’s the aunt who always comments on your appearance, the sibling who competes with you or the family member who can’t resist bringing up politics?
Add in alcohol, financial stress or unspoken grief and the pressure can build quickly.
Triggers are natural - they’re simply your nervous system’s way of saying ‘This feels unsafe’. The great news is you can prepare for them.
Identify your triggers:
Take a moment to think about Christmases past.
What situations, conversations or people usually leave you feeling upset, anxious or drained?
Write the triggers down.
Once you’ve named them, you’ll feel less blindsided when they show up.
Rehearse your responses:
It’s not always possible to stop a trigger in its tracks.
Having prepared responses can help you feel in control.
If someone comments on your choices, respond with….“I’m not comfortable talking about that right now.”
If the conversation turns political, say….“Let’s change the subject - I’d love to hear about your holiday plans/the new house.”
If alcohol escalates conflict, why not try….“I’m going to go outside for some fresh air.”
Responses can be short, calm and clear.
There is more power in concise answers than over-explaining.
Build in breaks:
Triggers lose their power when you give yourself permission to step away.
Plan for micro-breaks during the day.
Offer to check something in the kitchen and give yourself time to breathe.
Go to the toilet and sit quietly for a moment whilst taking some deep breaths.
Step outside and notice the air on your skin and the sounds around you.
Go into the bathroom and run cold water over your hands to reset your nervous system.
Look in the mirror and make some silly faces or smile at yourself for a minute or two.
a grounding tool.
Box breathing is a simple technique that helps to reset your body’s stress response:
Inhale through your nose for 4 counts.
Hold your breath for 4 counts.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for 4 counts.
Hold empty for 4 counts.
Repeat 3 times.
Even if the conversation around you continues, your body will start to calm down.
Here is a simple video that demonstrates how easy box breathing is.
I can help you with breathing and meditation practices because I’ve been using these techniques myself for many years and know how simple yet effective they can be.
closing thought.
You can’t always control what happens at family gatherings, but you can prepare for how your respond.
Planning ahead for triggers gives you a sense of safety and choice in moments that once felt overwhelming.
Next week I’ll introduce the idea of exit strategies…when family gatherings become too much and you know your wellbeing is being compromised.